After explaining in detail what effects drugs can have on the mind, Bob Saget offered some advice to students on what not to do when high.

‘Don’t go to the zoo and have sex with the animals … Don’t f*ck a turtle … If it’s a snapper turtle then you’re f*cked. It’ll snap, and you’ll be triple Jewish,’ Saget said before continuing on with what other animals not to have sex with. ‘You think an ostrich doesn’t know just because it’s got its head in the ground. It’s not the other white meat … Poor ostrich, never saw you coming.’

This brand of raw, untamed and raunchy humor made up the entire hour-long comedy set from someone who, at one point, was the cleanest man on television, both figuratively and literally.

Saget performed Monday night in the Goldstein Auditorium to a sold out house, 1,500 people in total.

The show had no restraints. Nothing was taboo. Whatever popped into Saget’s head came out of his mouth, many times spontaneously. Saget would begin on an anecdote about something like finding his daughter’s thong in the laundry, digress into a long-winded story about an ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos’ tape showing two fat naked people breaking their shower door, and come back full circle into an incest joke about his family.

The first sentence out of Saget’s mouth contained the word ‘f*ck.’ He would then continue to use it in every story he told, every tangent he went off on, every comment he made about an audience member and every random thought he had.

Often after swearing, he would lose his place in the story he was telling and start ranting about swear words, doing things like explaining the different phrases one could make that included the word ‘sh*t.’

‘I’m a really good person. F*ck. Sh*t. C*ck. I have Tourette’s,’ Saget said. ‘You would, too if you had to do all the family sh*t I had to do.’

Anticipating what college students were there for, Saget began the night talking about his time on ‘Full House.’ He explained how he scarred the Olson twins for life by swearing at them off camera, how Dave ‘Joey’ Coulier shaved his balls and how he really hated Kimmy Gibbler, referring to her only as ‘a sh*t b*tch.’

Saget also told some stories about his time off the set with Coulier and John ‘Uncle Jessie’ Stamos. One of these included walking into a bathroom with Stamos and freaking out a kid who was using the urinal. The pair decided to act completely in character and talking about things like ‘having trouble with ‘Good Morning San Diego” or ‘Nicky and Alex sleeping.’

‘The kid was pissing all over himself, ‘Full House is real!” Saget said, while laughing at the situation. Saget laughed at his own stories just as much as the audience did.

‘Bob Saget is amazing,’ said Josh Miller, a freshman film major. ‘He really played with his ‘Full House’ persona. He comes on, and you think he’s a nice guy like Danny Tanner, and then he starts cussing up a storm.’

This perfectly transitioned into his work with ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos,’ or ‘that video tape thing’ as he called it. Saget talked about the different types of banned tapes he would get, like homemade porn or snuff films, and explained how most of these are now on YouTube.

A lot of the night was made of up Saget playing off audience response. He would single out someone who reacted to one of his more obscure or raunchy bits and then verbally abuse them for the rest of the night. These people included a group of guys who shaved their balls, a ditzy girl from California and Saget’s personal punching bag, a guy named Alex who enjoyed crapping his pants. This was all tossed in with a round of sexual harassment to the women in the audience.

‘I had a 14-hour tip to get here, and it’s worth it because you’re nice,’ Saget said. ‘I don’t know if you know it, but I’m going to impregnate three of you tonight.’

It was this audience interaction that the crowd really seemed to enjoy.

‘He was really good at shooting from the hip,’ said Jessica Bickford, a sophomore environmental studies major at State University of New York College of Environmental Science and Forestry. ‘He kept having a direct connection with the audience, which I think is what made him really good tonight.’

The only negative thing that could be said about the show is Saget’s use of swearing and vulgarity may have begun shockingly hilarious at first, but the effect diminished throughout the night. Still, the fact that Saget went forth no-holds-barred was clearly part of his overall appeal.

‘Maybe by the end the swearing was a little too much, but in the beginning it was really funny,’ Miller said. ‘Still, it was all funny and (a college atmosphere) is the only place this could have worked.’

Toward the end of the night, Saget surprised the audience by bringing out a guitar and playing it. Besides doing snippets of songs by Coldplay, Led Zeppelin and Violent Femmes, he also did a few original tunes. The best was a parody of The Backstreet Boys’ ‘I Want It That Way,’ entitled ‘Danny Tanner Was Not Gay.’

By the end of the show, the audience was laughing at anything that came out of Saget’s mouth, and he received a standing ovation when he finished.

‘The show was worth it,’ said Trace Cohen, a freshman entrepreneurship and emerging enterprises major. ‘I would have paid more than seven bucks. I hope he comes back soon.’

Published on March 5, 2007 at 12:00 pm