Today is Valentine’s Day. There’s supposed to be love in the air and babies with diapers and arrows flying around. Although it sounds dangerous all around, it’s one of America’s favorite holidays. But, here’s the thing — Valentine’s Day is a sham, and not for the reasons you think.

Is it a day to love people? Sure. If it were only about love and hearts, that would be fine. But it’s not. It has never been. I’ll just say it: Valentine’s Day is the worst.

First off, chocolate. Everyone thinks chocolate is sexy. Have you ever eaten chocolate and not felt your cholesterol jump a few points? Valentine’s Day chocolate isn’t that light Hershey’s chocolate either. The candies that fill that heart-shaped box are coated with chocolate and filled with regret.

Plus, why is it required to buy expensive chocolate for Valentine’s Day? Can’t you just say, “Hey, I know you like chocolate, so instead of spending $16 today, I’ll just buy you the entire store for $7 tomorrow.”

If your significant other isn’t understanding and willing to take the extra day of waiting in exchange for all the candy CVS Pharmacy can offer, then they’re not your soulmate anyway.

The second big reason why Valentine’s Day is a sham is because the date is Feb. 14. Why Feb. 14? This year it’s on a Tuesday. Valentine’s Day on a weekday means the earliest time you can celebrate it is after 8 p.m.

If we have Martin Luther King Jr. Day not actually on his birthday, then why can’t we make Valentine’s Day the second Saturday of February? When Valentine’s Day is a weekend you can celebrate it from around 9 a.m. to 9 a.m. You can do it for a full 24 hours.

My least favorite part about Valentine’s Day is flowers. I don’t hate flowers in general, but, more specifically, flowers outside of the ground and giving them as a present. They’re pretty to look at for three days until they die. If you want something that will die three days after you get it, you might as well get a goldfish from the county fair.

Dates are hard to plan during Valentine’s Day, but it’s expected you go on a romantic date. All the decent restaurants have a three-hour wait unless you show up for dinner at 2:30 p.m., and a lunch isn’t that romantic. You don’t come back to your room later that night and say, “Hey, remember that lunch we had eight hours ago? That was so hot.”

All of these things suck if you’re in a relationship. But if you’re single, Valentine’s Day can be the most disheartening thing on the day filled with heart. It may be your fault you’re single, but that doesn’t mean you need to see pictures of people making out all throughout your Instagram feed. You should be able to eat a pint of ice cream while watching a rerun of “Two and a Half Men” in peace.

Valentine’s Day is a stupid holiday because it’s just an opportunity for disappointment. The majority of people are disappointed on Valentine’s Day. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, chances are the stupid February holiday will disappoint you. If you’re single, that’s disappointing, and if you’re in a relationship, chances are one of you will forget or give a significantly suckier present that the other.

Plus, it’s about Christian St. Valentine, and I’m Jewish. So, sorry to my girlfriend — we aren’t doing Valentine’s Day ever.

Josh Feinblatt is a sophomore television, radio and film major. He is in a relationship and is using this article as his gift to his girlfriend for Valentine’s Day this year. He can be reached on twitter @joshfeinblatt, by email jfeinbla@syr.edu or on Tinder if you want to not celebrate Valentine’s Day with him next year after his girlfriend inevitably dumps him this week.

Published on February 13, 2017 at 8:18 pm