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It feels like everyone assumes I have it figured out. It is an understandable conclusion; I have been pretty open about my queer identity during my last two years here at Syracuse University. Therefore, the logical assumption would be that I have a complete understanding of myself and my identity.

But in all honesty, it’s a facade. Personal identity is confusing. This is a fact I struggle with. How can I not know something about myself? This internal dilemma only continues to grow when considering the expectations people frequently have for queer people.

The queer community has always been associated with defying societal norms. But believe it or not, even within the queer community, we still try to fit each other into boxes among our own identities to try and make sense of one another.

Labels have become overwhelming. If you find comfort in labeling your identity, I am happy for you, and you should continue to do so. But not everyone finds ease in the idea of tying their identity to a specific label such as gay, bisexual, pansexual or other identities.

In my own experience, my queerness is fluid. It is constantly evolving and shifting. To this day, it kind of scares me, especially since I don’t like not having concrete answers.

What stresses me more is this pressure to fit into a box when I very much cannot. My gender identity, which is fluid in nature, does not fall within the binary, so the expectation I frequently face is whether I should present androgynously —somewhere between masculine and feminine. But that’s not necessarily relevant to who I am.

I feel like an outsider in my own community solely because I don’t always fit the standard or haven’t had certain life experiences. I feel like a fraud, even though I know this is anything but the truth.

I am lucky enough to have found pockets of individuals who make me feel valid within my ever-changing identity, but I am also aware this is a problem that extends outside of myself. I know I am not the only one to ever feel different from my own community.

Coming out in college is already stressful enough, as you’re opening yourself up to a whole new world of opinions and experiences you may not have been exposed to otherwise. There should be no added pressure to fit into a box if you don’t want to. I’ve always believed there is beauty in being queer and experimenting with your identity, and we should not limit this journey of self-discovery by forcing one another to conform to certain expectations of what it means to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community.

Don’t get me wrong, labels can be beneficial to those who want to use them. They can provide a sense of security to those who find community through said label. Definitions can be reassuring to one’s identity, as a label’s existence is proof of others living through the same experiences as yourself. It’s comforting to find your community among those who similarly identify.

Instead, I am against forcing labels on people who may not want to use them. I am against forcing individuals to conform to expectations associated with certain definitions.

There are endless ways to be queer, and by forcing people into boxes they may not want to exist in, you are essentially fighting against the beauty that can be found in being different — in what it means to be queer.

Grace “Gray” Reed is a Sophomore magazine, news and digital journalism major. Their column appears bi-weekly. They can be reached at greed04@syr.edu.

Published on April 18, 2023 at 9:24 pm