2 out of 5 stars

Before seeing the film ‘Alfie,’ moviegoers may wonder what happens to a thirtysomething, metrosexual New York City limo driver who spends all of his time pimping himself out; one who reserves a few women for random sex, retreats back to another as his sweet pseudo-girlfriend, hooks up with his best friend’s ex-girlfriend and has a weakness for older women.

Viewers don’t need to watch ‘Alfie’ to find out what happens, though. Every imaginable, obvious outcome from the life of a player plays out in this film. Just when the audience thinks the film’s irresistible hero Alfie – who Jude Law plays perfectly, down to every wink, sidelong smile and innocent plea – has learned his lesson, he changes his ways and screws up again.

But as clichd as the so-called plot twists are, the movie does offer some intriguing features. Law acts as his own narrator, speaking directly to the audience in his charming British accent through a natural, glib script. One cannot help but warm up to him within two minutes after the house lights dim. He moves along in his day-to-day errands picking up a coffee, going to work, and, of course, having sex with women, expressing himself through a stream-of-consciousness dialogue while looking into the camera as if the audience is his diary.

Viewers learn his shallow motivations, his ambitions and, as the movie progresses, his insecurities that he admits he tries so hard to hide. He angers his friends, coworkers and conquests, gets hurt in the process, and must sort himself out.

Unlike many studs in Hollywood flicks, Alfie does not conquest only young, beautiful white women, but women of varying ages, colors and even looks. Of course, all of the women are gorgeous – including key characters played by Marisa Tomei, Nia Long and Susan Sarandon – but not the Angelina Jolie, perfect types. Mad props, script-writers and casting directors.

But wait, what’s the point here? Who cares that Alfie has an equal-opportunity policy to his conquests? He’s a complete liar, player and obviously thinks of women as toys. Actually, he seems to consider everyone as toys.

The movie’s glorious use of color, clever dialogue and Alfie’s undeniably appealing character nearly mask the true point of the movie: men are players of the ultimate game, thinking with one head only (hint: it’s below the shoulders). And then, after they’ve hit the pavement a few times, they finally discover that, indeed, they really do want a monogamous, love-laced relationship, with someone, anyone. Gee, it brings tears to the eye.

What a cop-out plot. Men are more dynamic than this. They don’t completely buy into the game, as much as their machismo would dispute. It’s not a guy flick, it’s not even a chick flick in disguise – girls don’t get what they want. The storyline rises and falls a half-dozen times, with no climax, aside from those of the sexual romps. It’s a fantasy film, and it definitely entertains – no one can deny that.

As the movie’s tagline goes: ‘What’s it all about?’ Audiences might not want to know – or just shouldn’t take Alfie’s word for it.

Published on November 4, 2004 at 12:00 pm